Well last night we met  with the bishop and  things went well. I layed it all out and held nothing back including how I felt about being forgotten. And he apologized and let us know that he too is just learning this calling, and we came up with a plan to move forward and to look toward going to the temple in a couple of months. This is all I wanted was a goal, something to work for. We will be having the ward missionarys to come over for a visit to touch base and we will be starting temple ready classes. I also agreed to return back to Gospel essential classes even though we finished them  for review – I am ok with this, it will be easier the second time around and we know and love the new teacher who is my wifes visiting teacher – I am looking forward to attending her classes.

Yep once again I am reposting from my wifes blog – she has put into words what I myself have been feeling for a while. It has been a couple of months since I last posted and I have to say that my expectations of this bishopric have fallen short. Now don’t get me wrong I am fine being a mormon – I am a mormon and no one can take that away from me. But the leadership in this ward I feel is lacking, I have no other experience to draw from but I would have to imagine that not all wards are like this. I have been trying so hard for this last year to do everything that was asked of me and I figured that someone would have talked to me about the temple at some point, but that has never happened – yes I feel forgotten. I see now why so many go inactive. This is not about callings or home teaching, this is about one on one counseling from the bishop or his counselors. I figure that my name must be on some list somewhere and it would let them know that I have now been a member for over a year – I would also think that if I have done something or not done something that someone would let me know so that I could fix the problem. But of course I am probably just putting too much thought into it and it is more likely that I have just been forgotten – on that I say Shame on you.

Now onto my wifes blog -

My Last Complaint

It has been more than a year now… Before Halloween in ‘07 is when our journey began. It rolled quickly by and Ron was baptized in mid-November. It is sad and it hurts to know that we are at the end of the road here. About 6 months ago, Ron told me that we wouldn’t be going to the temple any time soon. He said our new bishop had expectations he couldn’t reach. He apologized to me for that. I kept hoping. But yesterday that fact hit home very heavily.

The poodle master is holding that hoop up high, waiting for us to perform to his liking. But I know from life that you can’t perform a trick that no one has taught you. I should have seen this coming. We moved into this ward more than 4 years ago. The old ward clerk (from Mom & Dad’s ward) wanted to help us because Mom had helped his family in their preparation for the temple. He called the current ward clerk asking for help with our move, etc. The new ward’s clerk told the old ward clerk that we weren’t his problem. For three years we lived here. We never saw anyone from the elders quorum. No Relief Society. No Bishopric. No visiting teachers. No home teachers. I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything from them.

The missionaries taught Ron the basics. Then they turned him over to the ward for further teaching. Ha! What a joke. I am finding two types of people here in this ward. People who know my family and just assume that Ron has been fellow shipped and taught by them. Or people who know the Joneses and seem to be waiting for me (or us) to act as they do. (most likely why they asked me to be a cub scout leader). It almost feels like a slap in the face to still be ‘meeting’ people who say, “why you don’t act anything like Suzee, do you.” That feels like a rude way to learn that the people I’ve been going to church with think they are very familiar with my family. If they are so familiar with my family, they would know that we are not connected or close in any way, shape, or form.

Ron’s learning of the gospel has come from the missionaries and myself. No one else. I can only explain things to him. I can only show him what I know. Dad has assumed that Ron joined the church because he absorbed it through osmosis. Which of course takes aways from the years that I spent talking to my husband about the church, bearing my own testimony and the hours I spent with scriptures and prayer. Does the poodle master think this way too? (Everyone who had joined the church in our ward this last year has gone inactive, maybe the osmosis process just isn’t working for them either)

Recently, we had two boys advance to the position of deacons. Shelley told me by way of talking that people came to her house to talk with her son about the priesthood (he also had a father for that). Her son learned the importance of his role and they talked about his serving the sacrament and they helped him to understand that part of his role. -Ron once said that most Mormons were at a disadvantage because they had everything handed to them. It’s true. Learning for a convert is a very difficult process. No one is teaching you or helping you understand anything. Nothing is explained. Nothing is taught. A convert is expected to just know all that a long-term member knows after their baptism.

It hurts to have a goal and see it lifted beyond your reach. It hurts to be reminded that I don’t have a place in this world. (I have a place beside my husband. In my home is the only place where I feel like I fit in.) I just go to church to partake of the sacrament anymore. No one has taken that right away from me yet. But why am I working and trying to reach the golden carrot? The truth is, I am not a dumb donkey. I know the carrot is out of my reach. And I am stubborn enough that I have no intention of performing tricks for the local poodle master just so I can prove my worth to him.

-I don’t want to be a visiting teacher. I have been a member of the relief society for 23 years and have had visiting teachers for almost 5 years of that time. And for my first 3 years in this ward I was placed on a mailing list. (Quite honestly, my adult years in this church have not been very pleasant ones). I have been given callings and left dangling with trying to handle them on my own. I don’t want my callings anymore. I am in a ward of strangers with friendly faces. That’s all. Believe it or not, we actually have home teachers. We’ve seen them all of 3 times in a years time. As a home teacher, Ron has been out very irregularly. His companion keeps waiting for him to take the lead, yet what is Ron to draw from? That’s a good question. What do the people in this ward think Ron is drawing from?

And that is all the fat lady wrote… This is the last time I plan to use this blog. The purpose of starting it no longer exists, so I plan on deleting it soon. Just wanted you to know.

Yep I am “borrowing” my wifes post again and reprinting – I loved this post that she just  wrote last night and thought it fitting for here – Thanks Margaret

Well today is my birthday, and I am disappointed. Not about my birthday mind you, I am disappointed with our bishop. I have talked to our bishop several times about getting my wife released from the scouting program and all I am getting is the run around for a couple of months now. The reason for the release is for  a couple of reasons one of which is her working schedule and health reasons. She had no idea what this calling entailed when she accepted it but  we did let the bishopric know that we would give it a shot but that we were trying to  start a home business and we were worried about the time issue and they said no problem if it becomes an issue just let them know…… There has been a few issues with this calling that were not made known.  One other thing that you should know and I am no too proud to admit it is, we are and have been having money problems – I had racked up quite a bit of credit card debt before I became a member of the church and we now (like many of others) have more debt than money, any  way I had gone to the bishop in the past  about this so he also knows of our financial situation. Ok I am not explaining this to well so I will just copy a section of my wifes blog here – she may get mad about this but  at least I am not putting a link to her blog here.

I’m one of those people that get picked for crap jobs at church. You know, the job that they can’t find anyone to do. They convince you to try it, but when things don’t work out they will ignore you or avoid you completely because they had no intention of ever letting you out of that said crap job (unless you move away or die). -Yes, my bishop does seem to go out of his way to avoid me ever since Ron told him that he didn’t want me in scouts anymore.

I don’t have any sons. A fact that the scout mothers point out to me often. I am tight on money and this calling eats money like an elephant. To be a ‘volunteer’ in scouts is a $70.00 application. The shirt you must wear cost $40.00 not to mention the patches and insignias that you purchase to sew on your new uniform shirt. The many training programs you must participate in cost $5.00 – $10.00 each. If you wish to purchase kits or other helpful scouting items…. pay up. And now they say that since I’m over 40, I must get a physical. (I have not done any of the above).

The cub scouts put out a program help guide that has a week by week and month by month activity and meeting suggestions. For instance, this month is “Adventure in Books” with activities like ‘make a book safe’ (you purchase old books at garage sales so you can cut holes in the pages), ‘illuminated letter’, ‘family scrapbook’ (with lightweight cardboard, loose-leaf metal rings, and scrapbook paper), and ‘bookends’ (needing wood, nails, hammer, craft paint, etc). Everything needs money. Lots and lots of money. Of course, the church does pay your $70.00 fee, and they will eventually pay you back for the materials you purchase (that’s if the primary presidents think scouts deserve any of their appointed moneys). But what part of the “I am on a budget and I cannot participate in the Scouting Money Hog Program” is my bishopric not getting?

This month we are having the raingutter regatta. They will provide materials for the boys. But they needed someone to make a model. I volunteered when no one else did. After all, they should have the materials. But as the volunteer, I had to purchase my own materials. I made my boat yesterday when I couldn’t get online to work on my job. (You know, the stuff that really needs to be done so that we can get paid?)

Today I had to choose between figuring out what to do with the cubbies for scouts or working on my job. My mother-in-law came by and took my batch because she wanted it completed for billing. So, now my real life had to bow down to my forced church service. Because every new member needs three things to be successful at church: a calling, a job, and to do service until you learn to love it.
(by the way, I worked on scouting stuff from 8am – 1pm)

So, you ask why I didn’t work on this stuff before? Before Wed of last week, I finished up and returned 3 different batches. On Thursday, I got a new batch and that evening went to the leader meeting where I found out I was on my own with my boat building. Friday I was sick (with what Christy and Ron had). Saturday we were at Kait’s baby shower and later I finished the laundry. Sunday was Sunday. And yesterday I couldn’t access my on-line program (or even check my e-mails).

I have had enough. There might be church people who just love to rush around moving, doing and serving at all costs to time, money and family…. But that’s not me. I wish the church people would quit trying to shove everyone into the same wrapper. I feel like a pet poodle being trained to jump through hoops for their pleasure.

Well August is half over and I don’t know where it went. We are struggling to make ends meet like always, I know that I am not alone in this aspect, I know that many of you know what this is like,, but this is tough. There is never enough money to cover all the bills and have any left over – this month like most it is - ok what do we really need in food to get though the next 2 weeks and what can we cut. I have to admit that for the last 2 months I have not been giving full tithing only about 3/4 – but you know what - sometimes you just have to do what you have to do – I can’t tell the bill collectors – oh I am sorry I can’t pay you this month – and I can’t cut the food budget farther, we are using some of our food stores(and have been) I will tell you this flour that is canned gets yucky after a few years, it had such a bad metal smell that we did not even want to try to use it and just through it away, we did try to take it out of the can for a couple of days but that didn’t help – of course looking at the date I think we canned it in 99 or 2000( boy where does the time go) - I will just have to try to make up the tithing at a later time. Some of the money went for medical bills – we don’t have medical insurance so when we do have to go to the doctor that takes cash. I make just enough so we don’t quilify for any assistance for a family of 3. Well this is my rant for the moment – I will try to add more here later – but don’t hold your breath on that one, every time I say that it is a week or so before I can find the time.

Yep I know it has been a while again since I have posted – I feel like such a heathen. There never seems to be enough time in the day, I am just going to have to re-evaluate my goals on this one and just say that I will try to post once a month. That way I won’t feel bad if I don’t get a chance to post.

Well this weekend is the ward campout, I know that my family is really looking forward to this. We have never camped as a family, in fact I haven’t camped in years. There used to be the day when I used to go backpacking and camping all of the time – but those days are long past. Now it will be all about I hope the double high air mattress I bought for my wife and I works ok or I will be laying down and won’t be able to get back up – I hate having back problems – my wife is the same way if not worse except she has had back problems all of her life and hardly never complains – I love her so much. My back problems I have only had for about the last 5 years or so. Anyway getting back on subject – I have gone out and bought some new stuff and we are looking forward to testing it out. We went out and bought a new tent – we set it up on the grass at the ward to try it out and it seems big enough – I don’t think my wife and daughter understood why I wanted to test out the tent but anyone that has spend any time outside knows you don’t wait until you are away from home to try out the equipment. What I like most about this campout is this is good time to check out the other campgrounds up by where we are going. It used to be nothing to throw stuff in the car and go camping back in california – but here there are a few more chalanges because who wants to go camping in 100+ heat – not me thats for sure. Now I don’t think that I have ever been up to prescott so this will be cool to see what else this state has to offer. I have to add here that I am also looking forward to spending time with the ward away from church – this it a great time to see how people really are. I have to say that I really like this calling to the activities comittee because it forces me to interact with people and to do these things that I would not regularly do just because of being shy and a bit of an introvert and a home body anymore.

Yep its been a while since I have posted again.   The first thing I want to add here is the family and I have completed reading the BoM out loud together, What a great accomplishment  – but we are not done yet. We are taking a week or so break then we are starting on the Doctrine and Covenants.

Yep May is here, I wonder if this month will be any better then the last one, I sure hope so.   Well its just me working again. I don’t  want to say too much on here because people from our ward actually read this thing and it could get ,,,, well you know…  – but lets just say that the job was too unorganized and it sounds like it could use a good office manager and leave it at that.

Well the budget thing with the credit counselor didn’t work out – it seems that you have to actually have  money to get out of debt – who would have thought!!! So now we are back to where we started with more bills than money.  It also seems that the Church’s plan to get out of debt also only works if you have money. They say take you smallest credit card and pay more on it to pay it off and then use the money that you were using for that card and use that money to pay the next highest card etc – Hello I think most of us get that  one but what if you can only pay the minimum if that – this plan does not work unless you have extra money do begin with.

Well as you can see I am trying to keep up with this. I just don’t know how other church members do it. How do you juggle working, church and church callings and family. Now that my wife is working (and she seems to like where she is working) there is less time together and we scramble to get things done. I know that this will even out over time and we are making Christy do more around the house. Stuff that used to get done during the day now has to be crammed in at night or on Saturday since we don’t work on Sunday – oh well hopefully in time this will even out or we will have to rethink the whole calling thing. Of course my wife would not like me to be talking like this about callings but there is a certain stress brought into the house by the callings and it is there nonetheless. I want to jump back on the subject of my wife working, this is such a relief after all of these years that there will be more money coming into the house – she got her first paycheck yesterday and even though it was only for one day (end of last pay period) it was great to think that in two weeks she will get a full paycheck and we can start paying down some bills that have slowly gathered over the years – oh by the way I didn’t mention, we got all of our credit cards together and cut them all up – that we there will be no temptations.